Ask Digestivo: Love in the Time of Hyper Inflation
As the old saying goes, after the variant scare there is the stimmy check
Well readers, here we are. You didn’t explicitly ask for it, but we had a sense you wanted it: the Gift Guide is back and better than ever, save for the fact that we’re publishing days after the biggest annual sales event in the country, but that’s neither here nor there (to quote more than one friend of the newsletter, Black Friday is kind of stressful). Read on for the things guaranteed to please 72 absolute freaks in your life. Let us know what else you’re giving this holiday season, or share your gifting debacles big and small with us at askdigestivo@gmail.com. We’re taking a brief hiatus through the end of the year, but we’ll be back with renewed vim and vigor in 2022. Love and light.
AN EXTREMELY UNIQUE AND INCREDIBLY NICHE HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE
If you, like us, are a mid-level millennial, you likely have a few plant daddies in your life – perhaps you are the plant daddy? Sorry… daddy? Sorry… Modern Sprout’s handsome Uplift planters promise to make handy use of those windowless corners of the apartment that wouldn’t otherwise sustain green life. It’s not often we advocate indulging nineteenth century fantasies in this newsletter, but we’ll make an exception for this artful brass terrarium. For those with less… shall we say grandiose ambitions, this exquisite little plant mister is sure to hydrate those leaves in the face of apartment radiator heat. And a pair of Japanese pruning scissors from Niwaki have us itching to take up ikebana, lest we leave any floral gems uncut.
For many, there’s no better way to get in the holiday spirit than with a small-batch holiday spirit. Born in Isolation and distilled one batch at a time by a couple of friends, Isolation Proof Gin is not unlike this very newsletter; nuanced, sophisticated, and – most importantly – martini-ready, it’s the left of neutral spirit we’re most excited to gift (and receive; future dinner guests, take note). Likewise hailing from upstate is this duo of arak and nocino from natural wine producer Wildarc Farm, perfect for Mediterranean grandfathers and those who aspire to drink like them. Ever the suckers for describing drinks with decidedly inedible comparanda, we’re desperate to try Van Brunt Stillhouse’s Campfire Whiskey, a blend of smoked corn and rye likened to “your shirt after a nice night with friends by the fire.” Should you prefer your clear spirit with a little more smoke and even less hangover, check out this bright mezcal from Felix Ramirez via transparently-sourced cult producer Mal Bien.
In truth, neither of your humble editors is much of a beer drinker, so instead we’ve compiled the following selections of not-quite-beer, not-quite-wine. Empirical describes itself as a “flavor company,” so it’s only fitting that their ready-to-drink Cans 01 and 02 are emblazoned with flavors only. If you prefer mugwort over toasted birch and walnut wood when it comes to slightly obscure forest flavors, look no further than this Dream Baby Dream cider from Greenpoint Cidery. Speaking of bone-dry dreamy libations, Night Eyes is a pet-nat style mead made from New York State honey, cherries, and apples fermented with hand-picked sumac and rose hips. And for your friend who makes a point of not drinking soda and took one semester of Catalan (JS: it’s me I’m your friend), give them a bottle of Casa Mariol’s Vermut Negre, a cola-forward vermouth made from Macabeo infused with sun-dried walnuts and over 150 herbs.
The editors of this newsletter are, however, definitely wine drinkers and nothing if not loyal to our tastes. If you’re searching for a bottle (or case) this holiday season, we’d like to direct your attention, once again, to one of our favorite unique New York producers, Hound’s Tree – Brooklyn readers can and should check out their dreamy Williamsburg tasting room to sample some thoughtful, terroir-driven wines. If you prefer to gift your vino in a steady stream, consider a subscription to neighborhood favorite Leon & Son’s Leon Circle, offering three personally-selected bottles and actually helpful tasting notes a month. And, of course, it’s never a bad time to send along a gift card (or pick up the check) with a friend at your favorite wine bar. We’re big fans of the bottle selection (and tiramisu) at PLG’s Corner Pizza and Wine, FKA Glou. All of the above pair well with these bold cabernet striped PJs by Nufferton (lol), perfect for enjoying a glass on the couch or crawling into bed after inhaling a second order of the aforementioned tiramisu.
With gathering seemingly back on the table, there’s never been a better time to get into board games. Dutch Blitz is a high energy card game originally developed by Werner Ernst George Muller to help his children learn about colors and numbers. We’re positively hooked on this “vonderful goot game,” and would go so far as to consider our thirty-ish selves Herr Doktor Muller’s adult children. If you’re looking to shell out for a classic, Jonathan Adler’s mod lacquer backgammon sets offer extreme visual and tactile pleasure, and just might pass as a “a conversation piece” if left out on your coffee table. Equally pleasing but slightly more affordable is this mahjong set by Yellow Mountain Imports – ICYMI, mahjong is a classic Chinese tile game that Julia Roberts once clocked Gwyneth Paltrow for not knowing in my (JS) favorite episode of the goop podcast (15:40, but savor the whole ep). And an aesthetically interesting but still functional deck of cards makes the perfect stocking stuffer, IOHO – this one from John Derian is, in fact, the second 19th century British inspired item in this guide, not that anyone is counting.
It’s no secret that we love all things fragrant over at Digestivo. I (SB) recently got in touch with my barely submerged woo-woo tendencies with a beautiful crystal burner and incense set from the fine folks at Le Trois Apothecary. For the uninitiated, an exploratory six pack from Boy Smells might be the way to gently nudge the scent-curious in your life towards a shared, potentially expensive habit. Old Jew Eyes (JS, who – once again – can say it) was excited to learn customers who indulge in the sampler can take $28 off any full size Boy Smells scent purchased within six months. Of course, smell and taste are closely related (shoutout to Covid!) and we can’t think of a more potent peppercorn than those from our faves at Diaspora Co. – a pepper subscription keeps someone you really love stocked with the good stuff all year round. And these scented erasers from luxury candle purveyor Astier de Villatte might actually lure us to our desks again after the holiday season.
In Chinese, there’s a saying 加油 – add oil – often used to express support and encouragement. We feel it’s also good advice in a literal sense, whether for body, mane, or taste buds. Loud Grandma’s (FKA Loud Gan Ma) CBD-infused chili crisp from MSG-martini-meister Calvin Eng promises a whimsical punch that leaves you chilled tf out. Wintertime is a notoriously tough time for many scalps, and the latest addition to Shaz & Kiks’ ayurvedic beauty line harnesses the power of sustainably-sourced moringa to soothe and smooth. In keeping with this newsletter’s subcontinental flair you’ve grown to know and love, we can’t help but covet this silky body oil by Soma Ayurvedic scented with jasmine from Madurai (home of SB’s grandparents, did you know?). Apply and exfoliate with this teakwood body plane from Esker, inspired by ancient Greek bathing practices – your outermost layers of skin may be dead, but the Classics certainly aren’t!
ICMYI, it’s generally frowned upon to refer to historically marginalized cultures as spicy in 2021. With that in mind, we present our selection of “spicy whites,” piquant options from the melanin challenged, prime for flavorful gifting. Friend of the newsletter Kinga turned us onto this Hungarian goulash cream, a paprika-spiked concoction ideal for… well, goulash, but also a fun swap for tomato paste. Fragrant fennel seeds from Greek purveyor Daphnis and Chloe offer a lovely licorice note to everything from roast chicken to biscotti. Boonville Barn Collective’s Piment d'Ville is our favorite thoughtfully sourced (and remarkably affordable) alternative to chichi Basque piment d’esplette made right here in the US of A. And finally, there’s no less basic pumpkin spice blend than Burlap and Barrel’s latest collab with writer, friend of the letter, and Substack virtuoso Alicia Kennedy.
The House of Gucci may be the current talk of the town, but we often find ourselves dreaming about the opulent backdrop to the other major fashion murder of the nineties. We feel the following items are perfect for those looking to partake in a little Versace mansion cosplay, though none are in fact Versace products. Did you know that Sutton Stracke’s problematic fave D&G collaborated with Smeg on a line of Sicilian-inspired (and seemingly not even racist!) fridges? A porcelain Gucci cake stand is the ideal support for all sorts of after dinner indulgences. Lest you think this is simply a category for the .01%, we’re delighted to share this leopard butter knife and tapered candles – together these would undoubtedly 🤌🤌 up any tablescape for just about $50.
While we’re on the topic of ultrawealthy cosplay, here are a few ideas for those aspiring to channel their innermost @MarthaStewart48. Our Croc-clad queen shouted out the “Martha Green” line of Rimowa bags in a glam shot in front of her Netjet, adding “I know you have another name for this innovative lightweight luggage but it is my signature green.” More recently, she shared that her grandson Jude “invented a new sandwich,” namely sourdough toast generously buttered, topped with thinly sliced white truffle and sea salt – “amazing , especially if you are cooked out!!!!!” For a little high-low luxury in a jar, we’d suggest this Tartuflanghe truffle ketchup crafted with Balsamic Vinegar of Modena. It’s no secret that Bedford’s most famous Barnard alumna enjoys the occasional bong rip, and we can’t help but feel this strawberry bedecked bud vase from DCN Porcelain would fit right in on the farm. Of course, perhaps the most effective Martha cosplay comes in the form of questionable high stakes financial transactions. May we interest you in an NFT?
Maybe it was spending most of our twenties in library stacks, but we just can’t get enough tortoise shell. We’re hoping to upgrade our next smoke sesh with this simultaneously classic and modern Tsubota Pearl lighter, and channel the sexy, unique librarian we’d like to see in the world in this chunky little glasses (or mask) chain. Allow us to paint you a picture of her – the portrait of brains and beauty, she delicately fingers her tomes with these tortoiseshell talons. Excuse us, we think we need a drink.
Ass continues to reign on the internet and IRL (at least until Kim Petras drops Tiktok-certified bop Coconuts in a few days). Keep yours looking and feeling its best with Le Tush’s clarifying butt mask (facial grade!). Swaddle your buns in Skims Cozy Knit Shorts, which just might make your bum feel like it’s also insured for $21 mil. It’s been over a year since I (JS) finally succumbed to the hole pun-heavy email marketing of Tushy – their simple bidet attachment has truly changed me for the better, and I can’t recommend it enough. Plus, this Pedro Friedeberg-inspired “Baby Won’t You Hold My Butts” ashtray is a cheeky solution for all of your ashing needs.
For some, waking up every morning is a gift in itself. For the rest of us, here are some ideas for a much improved breakfast. This newsletter’s focaccia queen Carla Finley of Apt. 2 Baking Co recently started selling ready-to-bake sourdough cinnamon buns at Prospect Butcher Co. – we can scarcely think of a finer semi-homemade treat to kick off the weekend. Bring a little taste of tinsel town to your table with these to-die-for oatmeal griddle cakes from Salt’s Cure; no syrup needed, but bananas strongly recommended. Zero Japan’s Bee House Dripper is an adorable ceramic pour-over described as “exceedingly forgiving” for those lacking “refined pouring technique” or a special kettle (JS: guilty as charged). Christen yours with Sextant Coffee’s Maiden Voyage, a blend of heirloom coffees from Ethiopian smallholder farms roasted in San Francisco.
Like all famed culinary icons, we too try to stay away from single use kitchen tools. Egg slicers? Garlic Peelers? Not in these apartments. But, we’ll admit there’s a time and a place to enter the niche. Perhaps the cheffy friend who has it all might make merry with masa on an earthenware comal or try their hand at Dhamka’s storied ajwain paneer with their own paneer press. For those who share our “anything goes” attitude with regard to words and whether or not they mean things (they don’t), consider applying that same logic to measurements with these cute but non-specific scoops from artist Wakako Mochizuki. And should your nineteenth century fantasies skew a bit more continental, might we suggest this antique copper sugar dredger made in France – let us know what you’d use it for because we’re honestly not really sure.
What’s that now? Did you say you were looking for extremely particular, verging on impractical ceramics? Well you’ve come to the right place. There’s a lot to love from British studio Quail – the full catalog is worth a browse, but the chick egg cups are at once adorable and unsettling. We still want this fig platter from Federica Massimi, even though we can’t unsee the spermy design – the power that has! The bivalve curious might enjoy a vintage French oyster plate. Styles and sizes abound on Etsy. (I (SB) am certainly enraptured with the plate my sweet co-editor got me for my birthday this year.) And because categories exist to be broken, here’s another option for your table de la mer: an embroidered antique linen tablecloth from the matter-of-factly named Oeuvres Sensibles collection.
At one point this was a general pantry category but somehow it morphed into “things that make you feel warm inside.” Umami mamis will love Tsuki’s pork shank ramen base – enjoy a deeply flavorful bowl of DIY ramen on the fly in less time than it takes to send an artfully curated nood. (Can you tell we’re reaching the limits of our brainpower?) Sustainably sourced Tongan vanilla beans from Heilala add a rich depth of flavor to dishes sweet and savory – for a gift that keeps on giving, steep the spent pods in a little vodka for homemade vanilla extract. Saffron latte sachets from botanical wellness company The Fullest promise* to clear your skin, cure your depression, boost your immune system, and make you feel like a luxurious princess. We bet at least one of those is true. And we’d be remiss not to plug at least one product from our favorite family-owned pantry e-tailer Nuts.com – their roasted unsalted mix is primed for warming and seasoning to your liking. Buy in bulk and gift deez nuts to your nearest and dearest.
*No actual promises were made by The Fullest or – and this is key – the Food and Drug Administration.
For the pet parents looking for that special something for the alpha in their home, might we recommend this trompe l’oeil catnip-stuffed salmon toy from Tuft & Paw? It’s technically for cats, but my (JS) 29% Italian Greyhound mix absolutely loves it. Lounge lizards of all species will enjoy this pizza bed, replete with squeaky pepperoni pillows and anchovy kicker toys. A truly fashionable bitch with cash to burn might enjoy this hat exclusively crafted for Pooches of Liberty. And friend of the letter and illustrious founder of Argos & Artemis Noel recently put us on to these Barkuterie boards by all-natural treat purveyor maison de pawZ… we dare you to resist.
Last but certainly not least, we offer a selection of gifts for those looking to stay active during the coldest months. Closca’s collapsible helmet pairs perfectly with a Citi-Bike membership, offering some reassurance as you wade into the uncharted waters of e-biking. Gift your favorite pedestrian a tube of Gehwol Fusskraft Blue, a time-tested German ointment made with rosemary, mountain pine, and lavender to soothe dry, rough, and tired feet. For some, staying active is a task better suited to sourdough starter – Caroline Schiff’s debut cookbook The Sweet Side of Sourdough is full of naturally leavened recipes for a sweet new year. And finally, for the sexually active, we suggest Goop’s double-sided wand vibe. It’s giving karaoke microphone and frankly we’re eager to solo.
Any ideas for DIY treats to gift to friends and foes?
I’ll (SB) level with you, readers: I’m feeling historically disorganized and bad at managing my time. This holiday season, I plan to keep things simple (yet elegant!) by making a big batch of brandied fruit (big ups for justifying a $49-aka-free-shipping-worthy purchase from everyone’s favorite website) to portion into individual jars as a sweet gift for myself and others. Since I’d be straight up lying to you if I claimed to have a stand-by DIY host gift (I leave this to my co-editor who generously brings dessert to basically all occasions like a true mensch) I’ll instead suggest a few things that I’m likely to try this season. For starters, both the herbaceous basil pound cake and herbes de provence loaf from Thalia Ho’s wild sweetness have caught my eye and seem likely to travel well. Also on my list: Bryant Terry’s date, nut, and cranberry balls; Deb Perelman’s olive oil, rosemary, and chocolate chunk shortbread; and some Kerala fruit cake.
Lest you think you’ll only receive one dose of subcontinental recs from this newsletter, let me (JS) set you straight and suggest a couple Meera Sodha hits for the holidays. Topra pak (coconut milk fudge) is a pantry friendly and infinitely adaptable pleasure – dipped in chocolate and rolled in crushed nuts, it’s basically homemade almond (or if you’re feeling luxe, pistachio) joy. Alternatively, give her fennel seed shortbreads a spin – see above for an especially fragrant rec. Finally, these coconut cashew cookies will put your run of the mill sugar cookies to shame.
PETITS FOURS
Fresh on the heels of an unbelievable and seemingly unsustainable sale offer from not quite instant delivery app FastAF, the dedicated sleuths in our shopping group chat stumbled upon the origins of scammer-in-charge Lee Hnetika and they’re too wild not to share.
There are few things we love more than a nice batch of subpoenaed text messages, and the downfall of Chris Cuomo keeps ‘em coming. We refer everyone back to these words of evergreen advice.
Our sisters in Substack over at Sifted are hosting a holiday bake sale this Sunday, 12/5 at Gertie, with all proceeds benefiting Rethink. Give back, but also get yourself something tasty. Preorder here.
Another org to support: The Food Education Fund empowers public high school students from across the five boroughs through experiential learning in kitchens, hospitality, and entrepreneurship. Plus, their student-run magazine, Pass the Spatula, is pretty sweet.